TMI Tuesday #226 - Deadly Sins Edition (repeat)

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?  My ex-lover (L), most of all. I can't recall of any other man who's been able to raise lust in me so quickly with such intensity.  He still fills my fantasies and I'd be lying if I said I didn't lust for him. There are others, but they aren't generating the same amount of lust, it's usually something temporary... If I was to list them all, it would take forever.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?  A lasagna and Doritos. Men too ;-)

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?  I don't really feel I'm the greedy type. But the more money I have, the more I want. But it doesn't keep me awake at night.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?  Wake up around 8, stay in bed and doze on and off for a few hours. Stay in my pjs all afternoon, without showering I might add, watch tv or taped shows, while eating greasy food. And asking me what's for dinner will raise the following sin.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone. Seriously, nothing. I try not to bother with that anymore. But bad customer service will probably annoy me immensely.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?  My ex-lover's wife. I know, it's bad to envy something like this... but she has this awesome man for a husband and can't reach him sexually. I often wished I could take her place for a week and see what it would be like to be with him. How we would be around each other, wake up next to him. It's not really envy, but more of a curiosity.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?  I'm proud of being a mentor, a friend, someone people need advice from at times. Swallowing my pride... I can't remember. It probably had to happen at some point in my life. The fact that I can't remember it probably means something profound, but at this time, I just want to go to bed. :)

Sunday's disorganized thoughts (the stats, the blockage)

I'm addicted to statistics. Some of you have posted, a while back, on the usage of stats counters. So, being curious, I went over and registered my blog there.

Seriously? That many hits in a day?! I admit, I go and check my stats more often than I should. I can't imagine the traffic for someone who has hundreds of followers! I see where you are from, many of you are so far away, it's unbelievable! Of course, there are 2 cities that I look for in particular: where I live and where L lives. First, to know a neighbor can read me frightens and excites me. Second, to know L or anyone related to him could read me scares the shit out of me. So I watch these 2 cities closely. But to be honest, what can I do if I see a hit from that city? It could be anyone and it's a risk I'm aware of.

However, it's unbelievable to see what type of information is stored and logged on. Some of you spend 5 seconds? Come on. Stay longer than that!!! I'm also surprised to see where you are coming from - not location wise, but from which website you departed to land on mine. I don't know if I should be offended that my "Punishment" post (which never had its continuation) was linked to from a porn site. But I'm not offended, it's not like I don't watch porn anyway. Of course, I see what topics get the most hits. Not a big surprise, I'm the same. ;-)

I have people over in the Quebec province and from France reading me. Un gros merci - ca me fait tellement plaisir de savoir que vous me lisez! Je prevois un post en francais - c'est promis! (sorry if the accents are missing!)

From Dubai to Alaska, from Texas to Japan - I find it awesome to be able to reach so many people. I thought it wouldn't matter to me, but it does. Yes, I write for me, mostly. I started this, in part, so I could tell someone about my worries, my doubts, my pain, my joys that are part of my life as a wife and a mistress. Sometimes I don't feel like writing.

Right now, I'm unable to come up with something intelligent or of some interest to write about. Not that I don't have fantasies or some juicy details from my time with Young Man. But I'm not having an affair to write on it. I was already having an affair (with L) when I started this last July, tried to get some understanding by reading journals that I could relate to, then I started to write my own. Now with Young Man, I'm more "experienced", I know what I'm getting into, I know how it works. I'm sure we'll run into the odd problem here and there - nothing is perfect - and I'll feel the need to reach out and write about it. For now, everything is peachy and we're both enjoying getting to know each other, on all levels. In other words, it's fucking amazing. :)

To be honest, for the past month, I've been thinking of pulling the plug on this blog. But that "connection" between bloggers is what drives me now. I still have things to say, for sure! Knowing that someone reads me, no matter where he/she is from, looking into my life and giving some sort of support/advice, matters to me. Other times, I'm touched by your posts and need to leave a comment to express joy, concern, hoping it provides support. This matters to me, more than I thought it would.

I know what I need to get me out of this mental blockage & it has 3 letters. We all need more of it!! ;-) 

Friday's thoughts & Friday Fill-Ins #162

I'm thinking that I like this idea of sitting in a coffee shop on a Friday afternoon just writing stuff up! I might make this a regular activity.

Ok, on my last post "do I have a type"... I just wanted to add a small comment. Of course, if I don't feel an attraction to some degree, no matter how sweet and intelligent the guy is, there is no point. I wouldn't jump on any man just because he happens to pay attention to me - I'm not that desperate... yet LOL. But often, just the normal looking guy, the one you'd pass on the street, deserves the chance to get to know him and then, wow, the best of discoveries can happen!!!

Earlier this week, I emailed Ironman and ended our affair - an affair that never really took off I suppose. I was a bit sad to do this, because this guy was the one to distract me and allow me to not be driven madly insane while I waited for L. Was it lack of interest that prevented us from getting together more often? He told me in the beginning he wanted to build a long-term relation, but later on, in another email, said he "wanted to get laid". That should have set the alarm off in that brain of mine. Ultimately, he wasn't what I needed. We aren't looking for the same type of relation. He understands, we exchanged a few emails and agreed to meet for drinks soon.

What I need... it differs, but basically it's very simple. I need what I don't have at home. To be desired & wanted, and be able to express it physically. Some have affairs to explore their wild sides, to push their limits... it's something that turns me on, but it's just icing on the cake. I want the ingredients, make the recipe happen. Maybe down the road, we'll want to explore together. But for now, all I want is a "normal relation"... dating, meeting for drinks, making out, having lunch, and sometimes (because I don't want to set expectations) get a hotel room to express that lust and desire for each other. What I'm most happy about is that he wants the same. How lucky can a girl get?

Is it normal that I'm miserably happy? I'm miserable without L, I'm happy I found Young Man. Yeah, I'm complicated.

So, as you might have guessed, things are going extremely well with Young Man. Not only is he a sweetheart, he's a gentleman too. That's all I'll say for now. :)

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Friday Fill-Ins

1. I know you want to...

2. Even the shortest month can seem like the longest month.

3. You can't help but wish he was still there for you.

4. Sun, fun, drinks, food & relaxation; bring it on!

5. Where have you looked - it's right there, in front of you!?

6. In my wildest fantasies, where I'm always yours, it* is now available. 
   * "it" can be anything you want! ;-)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to nothing special, tomorrow my plans include cleaning up the house and Sunday, I want to go shopping (again)!

Are you my type?

I was eyeballing a man at the liquor store the other day. He had long dark hair, his skin looked rugged, he was wearing jeans and a leather jacket. He looked normal... not the top model type - just a regular guy buying beer for the weekend - but he definitely got my attention. I don't know why though. I stared at him from the corner of my eyes (so much for trying not to) and when he looked at me, I turned away and avoided eye contact. (yes, I can be such a wimp sometimes!)

On my way back from the store, I was reflecting on what I found attractive, what gets my attention... Do I have a type?

Take Young Man for example. Not the type I would go for. Seeing him on the street wouldn't cause me to drool (and I don't drool often!). Not that he isn't attractive - he is. His eyes are to die for, his voice is sensual and his hands... don't get me started on his hands. He's also sweet, intelligent, funny, can carry a conversation and we have things in common. And when we kiss, it's like we are fusing into one, just wanting to be into each other, breathing for the other and it never seems to be enough. What else could I want? Does he need to be 5'8, with dark hair and green eyes, to be worthy of my attention?

And I realized that I don't have a type. The more I think of it, looking at the past & few encounters I've had in the past year or so, none of them are alike.

Tall, short/my height.
Older to much younger.
Blond, black, brown hair, shaved head.
Blue, green or brown eyes.
Professional to self-employed.

They have 2 things in common: me and sex. If I'd put them all in one room (without me, although... oh hell, that could be interesting!), I wonder if they would have anything to say to each other.

Bottom line: if you get my attention, I'll be interested in getting to know you and see if there is a connection. I'm usually shy when meeting someone new, but I think I understood that being shy (such as not engaging in a simple conversation or avoiding eye contact with a cute stranger!), would make me miss opportunities to get to know someone.

Friday's thinking & Friday Fill-Ins #161

I don't know if you've been over to J's blog/journal recently or if you even know about him. If you don't know him, go & read what he has to say. This post here is worth reading (well, his entire journal is worth reading!) - for anyone who is having an affair.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, wondering if this should now be how I write posts and read yours, catch up on emails, and so on. I know my caffeine intake will increase exponentially if I do that. But having a husband, who's a crack in technology & computers, makes me nervous. Not that he suspects anything, but if he did, I'm sure he'd find out a lot of stuff looking at the sites I've been visiting, or what I've left behind. I was nervous before, but now, after reading J's fictional story, I'm even more nervous. It's a good thing. Keeps me constantly aware.

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Oh! I've turned on the word verification on my comments. Sorry about that, I know it's a pain in the ass. I don't have time to moderate the comments, however some people are leaving funny stuff behind (such as porn sites, in foreign languages, or ads for manifolds with links to weird sites). I love everybody, I welcome all kinds of comments (good, bad, sad, joyful) and I don't censure stuff I or you have to say, but I draw a line at the crap people leave behind. :) It might not make such a big difference, but for the time being, I'll try it and revise my position later.

On that, here's the FFI. Have a lovely weekend :)

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1. Wouldn't it be easy if everything was perfect?

2. At my "age", sex is now better than ever!

3. I love the taste of you & me, mixed together.

4. There is a warm sunlight peeking in the living room.

5. The first thing we're going to do is get a drink - or two.

6. Damn faucet goes drip, drip, drip; I really need a man to repair it!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to getting some Chinese take-out and eating in, tomorrow my plans include shopping (meaningless shopping, nothing in particular) and Sunday, I want to be lazy (I wish)!

Too good to be true

Please someone pinch me. On second thought, don't! You know what they say... "if it's too good to be true, it usually is"? I often say it too. But I'm gonna take that chance anyway.

Where to begin... As you know (if you don't, read this here first and then come back), Biker is no longer in the picture. Ironman is hanging around, but his personal and business lives are so hectic, it makes it impossible to plan anything. And when he's available, I'm not. I want to see him again, one day, maybe, maybe not...

So, again, I went back on AM. Updated my profile, armed with more likes/dislikes than ever before, and a somewhat "positive" attitude. Although it felt like a chore, I didn't really feel like going through the process again... not that I wasn't hoping for something, but I didn't have any hopes, therefore almost no enthusiasm.

Actually, I was almost ready to throw in the towel, go back to my sexless marriage and build the perfect relation with my vibrator (that I used only once, poor thing!! I think it deserves better).

I mean, what's the point in searching for something that you've already found and lost, only to settle for something that isn't what you really want or end up being disappointed by people you shouldn't even give a shit about?  {sorry about the language here}

But there are times when the best surprise comes when you least expect it.

Young Man and I connected quite rapidly. We exchanged AM mail messages back and forth for a few days, keys to pictures were given (nothing explicit - I prefer to leave the good stuff until we get to the good stuff, if we get to the good stuff!), then I sent him my email, he wrote, I replied, we exchanged more, chatted during work hours or in the evenings, etc. I'm certain you see where this is going.

{I remember last time I connected this quickly with someone... But I'm not going to elaborate here... it's just my brain reminding me of that.}

This makes me wonder about a lot of things, why stuff happens when it happens, if things are predestined for every one of us. No, I haven't fallen on my head recently. I just get into these phases where I ask myself meaningful questions. Was it needed for me to go through deceptions and a heartbreak to reach that point in life? Maybe things are falling into place? Perhaps I had to go through this to finally realize what I wanted all along. Is this what I want, or do I only think it's what I want because it feels good now?

Believe me, I get headaches that are likely induced by that kind of thinking. Sorry if you have a headache now. :)

Not that what I had with L wasn't what I needed. I will always treasure what we had. I wanted it at the time - badly - and I still want it - badly. Finding him was a blessing. I was starving for that intense physical attraction, it was incredible to feel desired and wanted by someone who needed that as much. It was intense, emotional and amazing. He was the perfect partner in crime. And I also found out that loving someone else, and being loved by someone else, didn't mean the end of one's marriage and running away together.

I didn't want to post until I met Young Man. In resume, he's a normal guy needing some excitement from his not-so-exciting marriage. A normal guy wanting a normal relationship (as normal as our kind of relationship can be), normal sex, no kinky stuff (bet I can change his mind on that!) and not afraid of the words relationship and love. Pinch me... I'm a bit hesitant though to let those feelings overwhelm me, but he's not.

So, I met Young Man. We didn't plan for it to happen this fast, but we both agreed that meeting right away was the best way to find out if the connection we had, and the relation that was building between us, was going to stand the much anticipated face-to-face meeting.

And it did.

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition

1. When you masturbate, how long, typically, is your session and what do you think about (other than having an orgasm)?  A typical session for me lasts under 5 minutes and nothing brings me faster to orgasm than visualizing my lover, above me, holding my wrists above my head while he's taking me.

2. Have you ever been "caught" masturbating?  No. (boring answer, I know!)

3. Have you ever masturbated in front of your computer? If 'yes' was it for your own purposes or for someone's viewing pleasure?  Yes I have. Most of the time, it's for my own pleasure, and on one occasion, it was for my lover's pleasure during a webcam date. 

4. Have you ever attended a group masturbation party? Same-sex or mixed?  Never. Sounds fun though! ;)

5. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?  Stop and apply pressure... Sometimes, I start over again right away - why stop now? :)

6. Have you ever video'ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?  I did a short teaser video once, that I sent by email to my lover. He loved it!

Bonus (as in optional): How often do you use the word "fuck" (or its derivatives) in casual conversation - frequently, occasionally, rarely, never.  I rarely use it. It's just not me. It takes a lot for me to curse.