(I hope you're all impressed with my chart skills!!!)
The results were somewhat what I expected from those who voted. For the record, I still haven't heard from him. So technically, this falls under the "more than one week" combined with "already forgot about me"!! Someone asked me lately: "how do you find such dumb fucks?". I have no clue, but I try my best! It must be a talent of mine. Anyone wants me to pick out their lottery numbers while we're at it?
FG's failure in keeping in touch simply made me lose any interest in him. Yes, I could have texted him another time to get a response out of him. I've done that once, but not twice. If he didn't get the message of "I just don't want you to forget that I'm here", he'll never get it.
I told L recently that unlike men, women (usually) need to have a constant flow of little things happening - and being called last minute when mister is available won't do it for me. I refuse to be a last minute arrangement and interest has to be tended to. Don't think that I want 50 emails/phone calls/text messages every day and a dinner once a week to feel happy. Absolutely not! Keeping in touch isn't that complicated when you have a desire to.
I realize that people have lives and that "normal" life sometimes takes over. Like one said in her comment a few posts back, fun times just take the back stage. I also realize he doesn't owe me anything. Well I don't owe him anything either. It takes so little effort to text or email someone something as simple as "I can't see you for a while" or "I'm on vacations as of next week". At least I'd know that I cannot see him for a while. Makes sense, no?
Of course, there are also the following possibilities:
- He got bored with me (me, sexually boring? I don't think so - although I might want to check my references!)
- He's dead
- His separation from his wife (oh... didn't I tell you he was separating?) is more difficult than expected
- Some family tragedy has occured (I think it's the only option where I'd consider talking to him... I'm not that much of a bitch)
- He's on vacations and I'll feel like an idiot soon (although he's the idiot for not telling me)
- He was keeping me around in case something better came along (too bad, I had great plans for him!)
The last possibility isn't necessarily so far off since I might have been doing the same too. Men don't have monopoly of that behaviour. But I don't have anything better coming along. Sigh. Well, I do, or I could, but it's complicated... (what else is new?)
So guys... please... text, email or call that girl you haven't been in touch with for a few days/weeks just to say "hi, i'm busy, but thinking about you". Go ahead! Do it now. Now! She'll like it, trust me. I know I would.
I'm not even going to waste my unlimited texting plan to ask for an explanation. But I'm curious to know what happened, it's just that I won't sink that low.
All I want is someone decent who understands what *this* means. It's like searching for a needle in a haystack! Very frustrating, to say the least.
20 comments:
You hit the nail on the head with this one. I'm going thru the same silent phase with my guy, and your points are right -- we don't need someone who will contact us constantly, but we don't want to be an afterthought either.
Communication failures on the part of many men make me think that most of them are simply stunted when it comes to understanding the importance of communication for women. It's not about quantity of communication. It's about communicating so that I still feel like I'm important and wanted.
I just blogged the other day about kicking someone off my "team" for this EXACT same issue - communication! Or rather, the lack thereof! Your post reminds me of things that I used to do for my former "friend" - i.e. coming up with a laundry list of reasons why she didn't do a good job of staying in touch with me or even of responding when I'd contact her (imagining some tragedy, thinking maybe she was out of town...etc.) Like you, curiosity KILLS me - I just have this ridiculous need to "know" - for SOME kind of explanation. But the most likely explanation is simply that the other person just wasn't that into you or was simply totally clueless with regard to communication. Either one is a deal-breaker in my book. You're better off without him, trust me!
Bottom line is, a little common courtesy goes a long way...
But sometimes we do get full of ourselves...
If you really care about someone or are interested in keeping that person around.. a simple text or IM message doesn't seem like such a chore.
Like Adam said.. making up excuses for people's behavior is to just make ourselves feel better. We don't think they just don't want to bother because we aren't important enough. And.. when they finally do contact us with some stupid excuse they more than likely made up.. we believe them, for the same reason.
There is no need to settle.. kick 'em to the curb and find someone better suited. There are plenty more to choose from. His loss SF !
I like your thoughts on this, we don't "owe" much to each other as we flit around the infidelity sweepstakes, but we certainly should be considerate, honest, and open with those we are playing. A text to say "thanks, but no thanks" or a little note to just put tings on hold for a while relieves tension and anxiety for those we care about and is the minimum of acceptable behavior.
It's not too much to ask for! Hopefully he has a good reason, but if not what can you do?
BTW, I love the graph and bullet points, very professional ! :)
Unfortunately, guys don't have the monopoly on not being good at communication. My life would be completely different today had one girl action put forth some effort to communicate with me, and to respond to my attempts to communicate with her.
I hope you do find that incredibly fucking awesome guy who gives you the communication you want.
@ Amie: That is exactly what I tried to say. You're saying it much better though!! Thank you. :)
@ Adam: Yes I remember your post. I've seen a lot of us complaining about communication lately (and it's all *I* seem to complain about anyway!). I'm very curious to know what happened, but it's going to remain a mystery. I won't say he was clueless, as he was pretty good at keeping in touch regularly. Oh well, it's his loss.
@ 1manview: Me, full of myself? No, never!!! ;) But yes, courtesy and respect... seems to be lost on these channels.
@ flying solo: The list of excuses isn't for me a way to feel better, it's so I don't rip his head off should I see him again! :) Seriously, I wouldn't believe any of his excuses, probably just a bunch of lies.
@ Advizor: Oh, Advizor... *sigh* ;) I can't disagree with you and I'm able to handle rejection, it wouldn't be the first time!
@ Marcus: So glad you love the graph!! I worked very hard on that (not really). Whatever his reason, should I hear it one day, will be lost on me.
@ Horseman: Communication is always important, in any type of relation. I did find my "fucking awesome" and he's able to communicate too! It's just a complicated situation, as always.
I know I'm a little late...
I don't have much to say apart from... Brava, SF! You've perfectly summed up the often maddening effects of poor communications skills (from either sex). Now, if only we could get the stunted individuals to read this... :)
Kudos on the graph. It speaks to a nerd like me. ;)
More importantly, I'll simply echo what everyone else is saying: It doesn't matter WHAT his problem is, or what his reason is. No matter how bad it is, it still would have taken him 30 seconds to tap out a quick text message - even if all it said was that he would be unavailable for a while.
I know I'm the opposite, and always have 8 chat windows and 3 emails and 2 text messages going on, so I'm not expecting him to be like me. (Although, really, everyone should.) But still... it's not. that. hard.
Totally annoying. No excuse I feel...not after this amount of time. And if he were to contact you now, if it were me- I'd be too annoyed to probably not be snarky towards him. But that might just be me ;)
I'm totally with you as well, about how a little bit of communication goes a long way. And how a constant/consistent amount of little things being important. I'm the same way.
xo
Good! You followed my earlier advice and dumped the jerk. You moved up a whole bunch on my respecto-meter...
BTW, like your new avatar... Getting brave
Glad to know I'm not the only one with that problem ! Now if only THEY would read this. *sigh*
sigh.
this to me is simply common sense, common courtesy so i don't quite understand why guys are like this.
before i get a beating, i should add *and gals* are like this ....
@ spring flower... No, not you... We was for "We Men" get full of ourselves.. Didn't mean to shock you... lol... Glad I came back to see other peoples comment...
@ Minx: It's never too late. I'd love to hammer that concept in his head. It's just I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stop hammering!
@ Letch: Thank. you. :)
@ Vixen: Some people are cowards and just afraid of confrontation; perhaps he falls in that category.
@ Pate: LOL! That avatar is an oldie, btw. I'm recycling!
@ Me: Not sure he'd like reading this! (but really, do I care?)
@ that girl: Probably because they don't know the basic value of respect.
@ 1manview: Oh, I wasn't offended! Sometimes I am full of myself! (not very often thought - I'm just an attention whore, that's all!)
The graph...ohmahgod, the graph...cracked me up! And yeah, I've been through this with a guy I wanted so bad, but who was a shit-tastic communicator. I finally gave up. I hope your guy has a good reason for his silence. Sheesh...men.
Good! You followed my earlier advice and dumped the jerk. You moved up a whole bunch on my respecto-meter...
@ Bella: Shit-tastic? Love that word!!! Haven't heard from him, he can take his reason and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. :)
@ hot girl: Copying someone else's comment isn't very nice, you know.
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